The Fényi Gyula Jesuit High School started its first year in 1994 in Miskolc, Hungary. Its fundamental mission was to raise men and women for others, therefore spirituality and community building has always played a central role in its pedagogy. There have always been school retreats since the very beginning. Their structure and style have developed organically, sometimes with bigger, sometimes smaller steps. The development of our retreat culture was shaped gradually by regular reflection and making use of even the smallest opportunities.
The first school chaplain, Fr. János Ádám SJ organized the first retreats for classes (about 30 students to a class), and he facilitated them for years. In the early 2000’s, the then principal, Fr. Tamás Forrai SJ brought back the experiences of the Kairos retreat programs from the United States of America. These retreats build on the inner experiences of the participants, and are organized in small groups. Fr. Forrai was trying to find a way to adapt this retreat model to the school. The Little Sisters of St Francis joined the school staff at this point and brought new momentum and enthusiasm to the spirituality. The principal appointed a teacher to study specifically the spirituality of Jesuit schools. Since then Mrs. Kinga Rivasz-Tóth has built up a profound theoretical and practical knowledge by studying and experiencing a wide range of international training programs.
Around 2004 we understood that when there were less people in a group, the students opened up more easily and were able to have a closer encounter with God during the retreats, therefore the classes were divided into small groups. First the religion teachers helped the chaplain most actively to organize the retreats. Later, hoping that peer leaders would be able to add more value to the retreat, they started training senior students to facilitate group activities. The systematic training of peer leaders started in 2010. The group of facilitators now consisted of lay teachers, Jesuits serving their Magisterium and some students, mostly scouts.
The first preparatory retreat for facilitators was held in Kurtabérc, in a remote little hut in the Bükk mountains. The participating students christened the group ‘Embers’. The Embers group has become more than just a bunch of kids who were trained to become retreat facilitators. They have grown into a lively community of senior students who want to deepen their faith and serve God and others. The group invites its members and meets regularly. Éva Pető RSCJ, Erzsébet Szilágyi RSCJ, Hajnalka Szulyovszky RSCJ, Mrs Kinga Rivasz-Tóth and Mr László Sike devoted even their free time to the Embers.
The autumn of 2011 was a new turning point in the development of the retreats with the arrival of the new school chaplain, Fr Bálint Nagy SJ, whom I was able to help while I was serving my magisterium in Miskolc. The two day class retreats were given a new format, and the games, small group sharing times and even prayers were facilitated by 6-8 peer leaders. Jesuits and lay teachers who organized the retreats worked together as a team, and provided a great example to the students in the Ember group.
Soon we wanted to share our experiences with other schools. Since 2013, we have organised an annual school retreat in another school with the active participation of the Ember group. We also have training sessions for teachers and diocesan priests. On one occasion we trained a student group from another school; they later became the serving community of their school, adapting our training to their own needs and possibilities.
The subsequent school chaplains, Frs Zoltán Koronai SJ, László Petrovics SJ, Ferenc Horváth SJ and László Elek SJ have always added some new element to the formation of the retreat programs and the community life, group structure and training of the Embers. However, the essential principles have stayed constant: cooperation, peer leader training, community building and adopting the programs to the spiritual journey of our students.
Such an extensive structure of retreat programs and peer leader training could not have come into existence by a directive from above, and definitely did not develop overnight. A few teachers who thought it important, together with school leadership started a journey together. Most of the time we did not really know where the road would take us. But many wonderful things happened along the way that strengthened our school chaplaincy and retreat culture. Now, although there is still plenty of room for growth, we feel ready to share what we have learnt with others in this publication.
Advent and Lent are basic pillars of Christian spirituality, and therefore have a special place in the school program. We invest extra time and energy in preparing, organizing and running the retreats related to these liturgical seasons. We are careful about the timing as well; we usually have the retreat on a regular mid-week school day, and try to avoid timing it on the last day before the holiday, to maximize participation.
When the retreat is well organized and the students come with an open heart, many of the participants may have a fun community activity, experience some depth in prayer and some of them occasionally have an encounter with God.
These retreat days are important, inseparable elements of Cura Personalis, educating the whole person, leading the young people toward a personal relationship with God. The morning prayers, mathematics and history lessons, school assemblies and liturgies or random encounters of students and teachers in the school yard during recess are all essential to our spirituality. The retreats are the climax, the most intense manifestations of Ignatian spirituality in the school.
We must not forget that even if everything is excellently organized, we have not necessarily reached our goal. Spiritual life is more than a project. A few occasions are not enough for the students to discover, practise and learn to see the innumerable colours, possibilities and the power of the road leading to God. A few retreats, a few years are not enough to measure whether we are successful or not. A tradition of long years one after the other will slowly shape and every participant.
It is almost impossible to measure whether a retreat was successful or not. The little changes starting in the depth of a soul, a faith that is personal, do have outward signs, but we are not able to see everything. We plant the seeds and water them, and God gives the growth. There are some in whom the plant grows up and becomes strong during the school years - and who knows if it happened as a result of our efforts -, while others turn to God in a life crisis ten or fifteen years later, and we do not see any of it.
We are not completely in the dark, we do see some signs of a successful retreat. We can see how many small groups had an open attitude toward the program, and how many good con- versations they had. Sometimes the conversations take a new turn and they diverge from the topic, but that is all right. Individual stories, situations, the relationship of the group and the group leader, and many other things may determine the group dynamics, whether the members can trust and open up in front of one another, whether they have real dialogue and pray together. We need to pay attention and build upon the positive experiences. What were the circumstances in the groups where the retreat “went well”? What touched the participants? Which element of the retreat moved them? Let us try to pay attention to the students, their needs, and the ways they are able to open up for the spiritual experience.
We are not completely in the dark, we do see some signs of a successful retreat. We can see how many small groups had an open attitude toward the program, and how many good con- versations they had. Sometimes the conversations take a new turn and they diverge from the topic, but that is all right. Individual stories, situations, the relationship of the group and the group leader, and many other things may determine the group dynamics, whether the members can trust and open up in front of one another, whether they have real dialogue and pray together. We need to pay attention and build upon the positive experiences. What were the circumstances in the groups where the retreat “went well”? What touched the participants? Which element of the retreat moved them? Let us try to pay attention to the students, their needs, and the ways they are able to open up for the spiritual experience.
When God created man He said man was very very good. Although this goodness was hurt by original sin, it was not completely ruined. Man and therefore every student is good, and has the ability and potential to meet God, know himself, and grow closer to Truth, Goodness and Beauty. People by virtue of being created and redeemed are Whole, free to exist just as they are, since they are good. So the students, even the non-believers, are not to be looked upon as if they were broken machines, but individually unique, lovable and good persons with a longing for the transcendent in their hearts.
Our retreats want to help this often unarticulated longing to unfold. We do not wish to change the participants, only offer them a meeting that may bring forth some change, but that is not our doing. We should not expect a student retreat to completely fix their lives or that they go home as different persons (remember, they are good already, they do not need to be changed). And yet every such occasion is important. They are opportunities one after the other over many long years that may shape and form a person. We do not try to turn our students into fully mature Christian believers in one day. With years of patient nurturing, watering and pruning we want them to flourish and unfold in their fullness: living miracles longing for God.
If we truly want to facilitate the meeting between the student and God, we must plan the program focusing on what helps the students, and less on what helps us, adults organizing a good retreat. We have to consider what they are interested in, and how they are concerned. If small group sharing works better, we will have them talk. If arts and crafts or games seem more helpful, those will get more emphasis in the program.
In the meantime we all notice that the children do things that are naughty or not very helpful. School retreats are compulsory, therefore seem less appealing for them. It is wishful thinking to expect that everybody will be enthusiastic, there are always some who resist and try to sabotage the program. Whatever we are offering them, there will always be some who decide to turn their backs to God (to God as they imagine Him). This should not make us feel discouraged, we must not give up. We may be tempted to think that we can lead only the enthusiastic students toward God. God knows the human condition very well, He is fully aware of all human limitations. His Grace is strong enough not only to overcome the resistance of the students, but even to use their resistance for their own good. We should water and prune our little plants even if we see no fruit yet, and let us trust growth to the Lord.
These same principles apply to ourselves too. God knows and loves us with our limitations and brokenness. He knows human nature, and occasionally even builds upon our blunders. Everything human has a place in a retreat. Our objective is not a perfectly planned and executed retreat, but something real and genuine. Let us be patient and merciful with ourselves just like with our students and the “fruits” of the retreat. The more students we have, the more unexpected and unavoidable mistakes, imperfections or sudden changes may occur, especially if we have a limited number of facilitators. You may have to request a misbehaving child to leave the room, a sudden noise ruins the most magical moment, a crucial visual aid that would show the central symbol of the retreat was not printed on time... Do not be distressed. We can always count on each other, one can add more where another seems to have less to give. And above all, let us trust that the Lord who created heaven and earth is able to miraculously meet with students, peer leaders and us, teachers, even through these blunders and imperfections.
It is not good for man to be alone. Not to mention, to struggle alone. And we do not have to.
To organize and facilitate a whole school retreat requires knowledge and many skills and abilities. We need both disciplined planning and free creativity, a global vision and detailed meticulousness. There must be inspiring and liberating leadership and strong control to make it go well. The form, however perfect, will be worthless without the substance: a deep, living connection with God and devoted colleagues listening to one another. None of us have all these abilities, and nobody has all the time and energy to do everything well. But it is OK.
Serving in a team, at least at the beginning, may seem harder than working alone. We need patience, humility and time to learn to synergize with our colleagues - mutually agree upon a way of proceeding, on a shared mission, sometimes reach a compromise, other times keep insisting on our viewpoint. We must learn to delegate tasks or take over when needed. Most of us are good at working alone, but we may find it exhausting to learn teamwork. Our resources are limited: we need companions.
The chaplaincy team usually starts planning a retreat with brainstorming. We consider the actual situation, the age group, the important themes, and look for a central symbol, scripture passage or key word. The second step is to bring this before the peer leaders in a prayer led by the chaplains, after which the peer leaders in small groups continue brainstorming and developing the theme further. We then consult the teachers of religion, especially the ones teaching younger grades, as they know this age group much better than the chaplains.
These occasions provide enough material for developing the complete retreat program. The last step before the retreat is a short - one hour long - prayerful event when the group leaders, (peer leaders and teachers together) meditate about and initialize the basic theme, and prepare the central symbol. This event helps everyone to be prepared, and it is a good occasion to fine-tune the program.
It may indeed seem like a lot of work. But this is how the retreat becomes the fruit of community effort.
Cooperation is more than just dividing up the tasks among people, although that is important too. We have more time and energy if we are able to delegate tasks to our co-workers. True cooperation means more than just sharing burdens or adding up individual efforts. Thinking and planning together may result in much more than just the sum of all contributions. Having a shared vision, mission and common goals will bring new resources to our work. When we realize that we are not alone with our goals, that there are others by our sides who also dedicate their efforts to God, we not only have new ideas, but most importantly, gain new strength, enthusiasm and dynamism.
The most fundamental element of cooperation is trust. We need to trust the other person to do the best he can according to his abilities, and tell us when he reached his limits. Trust in God that He can and will be working among us even when things deviate from the plan. We also have to trust ourselves that we can contribute to God’s work. It is nearly impossible to plan every single detail of a retreat that moves a whole school, and there will always be things that spin out of control. It is not possible to oversee every single step. We will never see everything that happens in a small group sharing. We have to trust that everybody will give their best according to what he has and what he is. Let us trust the Holy Spirit to come and fill us wherever He pleases. It amazes me again and again when I see how and through what details, God touches people.
Meeting God is more often quiet than noisy or spectacular, although there are examples of both. Life is born in silence. We meet ourselves in the silence of the heart.
Silence is more than just the lack of outside noise. It is more than the quieting of our thoughts even. Silence is when we arrive in our hearts. Silence is related to being in the present, when we do not listen to the accusations of the past or the thunder of the future. To be present we need silence, and when we learn to be in silence, we come closer and closer to being in the present. Practising this presence helps us find, process and let go of the things that strain us. Silence heals.
It is possible to teach silence. Nowadays silence is a serious deficit item. Also, when we first encounter silence, it actually seems really noisy and scary. But slowly one can learn, get used to it and start loving it. Let us learn to like, practise and love silence, so that we can help those entrusted to our care.
The first step is to silence the surroundings. Let us make the space where we meet orderly and welcoming. We have to create a welcoming, restful space out of the noisy chaos of bags, tables, chairs and materials. We have to make sure nobody barges in the room, the gardener does not start mowing the lawn under the window, no mobile phone rings, and the automatic school bell is switched off for the day. When we start the actual activity to enter into silence, it is best to rearrange the seats and make students sit further away from one another.
It is not easy to quieten down, we need time for that. We need to wait, to allow some time for everybody to enter into the silence. It is not a good idea to yell ‘Silence!’ because even though the group may immediately stop talking, it causes tension, and the silence will be superficial. The group leader needs patience and skill to lead the group to silence.
It is possible to start with a noisy, dynamic game that eventually leads the groups to silence. We are still noisy, but already share the same focus. This is how we are present - exclude many noises, forget worries and troubles. We are often more present when we forget about ourselves in a game, than when we try to force ourselves to be in silence. We can start a less dynamic, more concentrated activity after the noisy game, and it will lead the participants toward listening inside. Silence can be aided by a body sensing or breathing exercise, or any mindfulness exercise that can be incorporated in Christian practice. We can learn and teach such exercises. We can also start with singing, e.g. one of the longer, meditative Taizé songs.
As we taste and learn silence together, we try to help the children. We can play some very quiet instrumental music in the background. We can give some little tasks to their restless hands, like coloring or drawing, it may help them stay in silence. Help them with questions about the theme and ask them to write down the answers for themselves, it may keep their minds from wandering. Silence requires time. To teach someone silence we need years. At the beginning we are happy if they are less noisy for ten minutes, but later they find a 45 minute quiet writing session too short. We have to adjust the pace to them, ask them to be quiet as long as they can bear it and a tiny bit longer. This way their perseverance will grow. Spending time like this with children or just ourselves is never in vain, even if we think it was a failure.
The Word became Flesh. Flesh and blood that we can touch and hold. Our physical reality is not something bad, on the contrary. It is an essential part of our substance, our createdness, that God saw as very good. Moreover, God trusted us to nurture and mold it. The most tangible way we can touch God today is in the Blessed Sacrament.
Creation always tells us about God. The Church has always used symbols, objects having a meaning beyond themselves, such as the candle that should not be hidden, the tree growing from a tiny seed, the intertwining branches that sprout from the ancient vine.
Models of developmental psychology emphasize the importance of the moldable physical reality. It is the physical reality around the child that they first get to know by experimenting and changing increasingly more variables. This is how starting from the simple, he finally reaches complex abstractions. From the actual experience he arrives at a comprehensive understanding. This is why it is important to use tangible images and their own experiences as a starting point to lead the children toward understanding divine truths, experiencing, recognising and articulating God’s love. It is a journey from the concrete to the abstract. Let us not rely on mere verbal messages, but include all the senses - hearing, seeing, touching, smelling and tasting - in the experience.
The creative activity is an excellent way of community and relationship building. It is often messy, but that should not be a problem. People can freely chat about all kinds of things including the symbol, and whatever was mentioned during the group sharing. It binds, shapes and finishes up the event. Expressing the theme together with the means of arts and crafts may be a good closure to the program.
This is why we build each retreat around an easy to comprehend symbol that tells us something important about God. People are able to create this symbol both individually or together. We make the object, the symbol, and the symbol makes God’s message real. We place the symbol, the work of our human hands on the altar, and it becomes a tangible sign of the ever loving God who is always among us.
The best symbol has a lot of layers. It appears at the beginning in the motto of the retreat. The group or each individual is able to create the whole symbol or parts of it using simple materials in a short time. Or the small groups can make something and when the groups gather at the end, they can bring together what they made and it will add up to become a whole. It may become a large picture or a complex scene. Even if one or two small groups could not come or make their part, the symbol still works. It can be blessed, and we can either leave it in the middle of the school yard as a sign, or the students can take little bits of it home to remind them of God’s love and the retreat in their everyday lives.
Actually, such a perfect symbol does not exist. Since it is quite unlikely that our symbol will be all the above, we’d better forget these expectations during the brainstorming phase. Let us brainstorm freely, including even some students, and look for the picture or symbol that in that year, in the actual situation seems the most meaningful for us.
Then it is time to have a good look at our symbol and find its layers. Let us discover what it means to us. We may find something among the layers that can be included in the creative activity during the retreat. Maybe it can become a large scene made up of smaller parts, or its strength lies in the small parts that can be taken home, or it can be both or more. Anyway this is the symbol we will use. It will not be perfect, only human, but the more human, the more meaningful.
We can leave all the rest to the Holy Spirit.
Working with a small group is more efficient than teaching a crowd. It is true in education, and so it is in retreats. Smaller groups provide a better environment for trust, intimacy, deep conversations, and stronger experiences. It is easier to listen to one another in a group of eight or eleven, and it becomes more exhausting if there are more people. Small groups are ideal to practise cura personalis (caring for each person individually); the students are more able to open up and talk about things coming from the depths of their being in smaller groups, thus there are ample opportunities for cura personalis, a fundamental principle of Ignatian Pedagogy.
Peers are extremely important in the life of young people. We have all been there ourselves, and it is unequivocally proven by the work of John Hattie, the various developmental psychology models, and practically all research about adolescence. We must never forget this when we work with teenagers.
It is much easier for children to open up and talk about their inner world when they are among themselves. While in a peer group the children may be able to talk about topics that touch the very depth of their being, they may need extra special circumstances to do so in the company of adults. When they are among themselves, they are able to enter into areas that will always be invisible for the teacher. But the small group sharing can easily go astray if there are provocative or unwilling students among them, therefore it is important that the group leader is not just a peer but also a true leader.
These peer leaders are just a few years older than the group, and they are well trained to lead the activity. They act as a control group as well. The group leaders will gain the respect of the group if some of the group members already know them personally. Their dedication, value system and good example will become a noticeable determining force that ensures the quality of sharing. If needed, these leaders - especially when they are leading very young, less mature children - are capable of taking the initiative or quickly asking for help in order to maintain the trustful, secure atmosphere, an essential condition of any soul to soul conversation.
These leaders have to be looked for and found. They are children with sprouting faith that are ready to testify and who may be able to lead a group. According to the Ignatian vision it is our duty to open up and bring out the potential hidden in each young person. Such as group leading, speaking up and bearing witness. We can find some children like that in the 7th or 8th grades already, who are willing, like an older brother or sister, to help the younger ones. And it is not restricted to elite schools only. Let us look for those who are suitable.
Training leaders takes time. It is not enough to tell them how to lead a group, they need practise, and to constantly reflect upon their experiences. Action and reflection are the best way to learn outside the classroom. The students can reap its fruit not only in the school retreats, but later - according to regular alumni reports - in the workplace as well. Peer leader training opens up a very efficient learning space, where the children can acquire skills that cannot be learnt elsewhere. Another feature of peer leader training is that it can build bridges between different age groups. This has a beneficial effect on the everyday life of the school and the alumni community as well. As we include peer leaders in the retreat we must carefully maintain the principles of subsidiarity. The peer leaders must have their measure of authority in decision making, organizing, methodology and even the theme. They will be empowered by the responsibility and the trust we give them, and their faith and dedication will keep us adults in motion. We will be refreshed and rewarded by cooperating with the students. We will be obliged to keep fit spiritually and intellectually, but we will feel absolutely motivated to do so.
However, we must never forget that they are children. They are in the process of learning to stand up, take responsibility and cooperate with others. We must communicate clearly to them that we do work together, we do share the burdens, but the final responsibility rests upon the adults. This gives them a sense of security, and helps them to be bold. They may make some blunders, but it is just part of the development process. This is why they always work in pairs. The companions work together, they can rely on one another, complement each other, give the other a push when something gets stuck, and they always can ask for the help of an adult, while one of them stays with the group. They experience and learn cooperation, and become an example of God who is present as a community, the Holy Trinity among people.
The main purpose of a small group discussion is sharing, when everyone can put into words and talk about what is happening in his or her soul. As the person is trying to articulate his thoughts and feelings and his reflection is taking shape, it affects not only himself but may help other members of the group too.
Sharing must never be just empty talk or arguing about abstract ideas. It is helpful if some tangible experience, a real encounter or contemplation of some depth precedes the sharing time. Sharing means that we show something of our true selves. It is best to combine verbal and non-verbal channels, for example everyone draws a picture and then talks about it to the others. The non-verbal part may reach down to deeper levels of the soul, while articulating verbally may help bring them up to the surface and reflect upon them. Reflecting on ourselves is a crucial part of personality development.
Sharing is an opportunity to give a name to our innermost movements and emotions. Naming what is inside us means that they come out the light and we will have a kind of power over them. We can see and name what is there, and things - either a painful experience or a meeting with the loving God - will fall into place.
Reflection and being able to express ourselves are valuable skills in themselves in every area of life. Sharing in a community also brings the fruit of learning to listen to one another. My own vocabulary and ability to express my thoughts will be enriched if I listen to others. And even more importantly, as the children listen to the struggles of one another, they make the liberating discovery that they are not on their own with their questions, fears and joys. Their experience is not a rare and strange thing, they are not weird or deformed, just people, like everyone else. It is one of the most powerful forces that upholds adolescents in the ocean of their anxieties.
As we learn contemplative prayer, we learn to recognise God talking to us through touching our hearts and emotions. When we ponder during prayer, God can accompany us. He shows Himself to us in the changing seasons, laws of nature, personal encounters and many other ways. God can also talk to us during sharing time. This is a beautiful experience. When we prayerfully listen to everyone talking about the movements in their souls, how they met God, our own hearts may also be touched by it. Even when the participants struggle finding the words, their testimonials may become powerful God-experiences for the others.
It is very helpful to spend some time on a second round, when the participants reflect on what the others shared previously. It can be a very powerful experience when some miracles can happen, but the group leader has to make sure everybody strictly adheres to the rules of sharing, otherwise some people may be deeply hurt.
Therefore we have to prepare the group leaders for the task of moderating. The group leader, either an adult or a peer leader has a normative role, an authority in the group. They can determine the depth, form and honesty of the sharing. This is an important opportunity, but also a very serious responsibility. If the sharing starts out seriously with something deep and meaningful, it will help the whole group, while being too lighthearted or cracking a joke at the beginning is not too helpful.
Everybody has to know and agree upon the three basic rules of sharing: firstly: everyone speaks openly, and only about themselves; secondly: we do not comment on or laugh at what someone else said, and thirdly: if we do not want to talk about something, we are free to pass. These rules have to be taken extremely seriously. The group leaders must be trained to consciously, without harsh interference maintain the secure and safe atmosphere that makes honest sharing possible. They have to experience it themselves during the preparatory sessions, practise it in role play, and only after these positive experiences should we give them a short summary of the basic principles. | Appendix — How to lead a group?